My 2nd induction was so much better because it didn’t feel rushed

We always wanted children but hadn’t been trying so a positive test in January 2018 was a happy surprise. It was a low risk pregnancy and the plan was for a water birth.

I’d had the same community midwife up to 32 weeks, then saw another at 34 who was concerned I was measuring small and sent me for a scan. The sonographer seemed happy but booked me for a follow-up 2 weeks later without telling us why or writing it in my notes.

I then saw a completely different midwife who didn’t understand why I’d been booked for another scan and told me it was up to me if I went or not. Although she did seem unsure measuring me, she reassured us everything was fine, even when I said I’d not felt the same frequency of movement. We trusted that reassurance and did not go for that extra scan.

We did see that midwife again and, again, she seemed unsure when measuring me. Then she said we needed to talk about induction. Only just past 40 weeks I was keen to wait so she offered me a sweep at 41 weeks. That was so painful and there was no offer of pain relief.

When I woke up the next morning there was spotting so I went to hospital where they said my cervix was still closed. Even though I started vomiting, they said I should go home and come back when contractions started.

At home, I very quickly went into full labour. Justin called triage twice but they insisted that, having seen me that morning, it was too soon for me to be in labour and suggested I had a bath to help with the pain. 

When he called a third time they said they’d send an ambulance. As Justin went downstairs to call again and see where the ambulance was, I gave birth in the bath. Our daughter wasn’t breathing.

The paramedics tried to tell Justin how to do CPR over the phone, then they arrived, cut the cord and took our baby away. Another ambulance came for me.

At hospital a junior doctor told us they’d managed to get a small heartbeat but our baby was really unwell. We were in shock, trying to understand what had happened.

She was in NICU but the consultant explained there was brain damage due to lack of oxygen. They transferred us to the Royal London where they were better able to assess the extent of her injuries. She spent 2 days on machines but they explained that she would never recover. 

Blue was such a cute little thing, loads of curly hair, a squishy nose. Once they took her off the machines we were able to spend time with her, bathe her, hold her. 3 days later, she passed away.

The consultants were clear that Blue should not have died and they instigated an investigation against Newham Hospital. I went to Coroner’s Court to give evidence and, ultimately, Bart’s Trust admitted liability for a number of reasons; the sonographer and midwife should have talked to each other, the midwife should have sent me for the scan when I told her I was concerned about movement. Overall, there should have been more consistency of care.

The only reassuring thing, for us, was that there was nothing genetically wrong with Blue, or with me. There was no infection but the placenta had lots of clots and wasn’t functioning well. Newham said that, in my next pregnancy, I’d be consultant led and start on aspirin at 12 weeks.

They did give me a number for a bereavement midwife and I messaged once but she never followed up which was disappointing. Thankfully I get private health care through work and saw a psychologist who basically saved me, she diagnosed me with PTSD and I started Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), which completely changed the way I processed everything.

I was pregnant again in May 2020 and it was an entirely different experience. I wanted to go to St Thomas’ and, though it was during Covid, I felt really looked after. I saw the same midwife and consultant throughout and had scans every 4 weeks after 28 weeks. The consultant recommended induction at 38 weeks so we didn’t run risk of problems. 

I went in on 31st December 2020 and had no idea what was happening. There was no mention of pain relief when they inserted the pessary which left me in a lot of pain. 

Then a midwife explained the timeline, gel up to 3 times before I’d need to go on a drip, that helped, I find comfort in having all the information. My waters broke in the middle of the night on January 2nd and Ahana was born just after 5am.

I was pregnant again in December 2022. This time there was no consistency of midwives which was a bit triggering but they were good as a team. This time I pushed back on induction but, in the end, that element of fear that something would go wrong meant I went ahead with the plan.

This time I had an amazing midwife who talked me through everything. She offered me gas and air when I had a sweep, told me exactly what it would entail and labour progressed quite quickly. Jolie was born 24 hours after I went into hospital.

“That 2nd induction was so much better because it didn’t feel rushed, the midwife took her time to explain what was happening.”

I had no idea you could have pain relief for a sweep. That, and the way she took time, meant I physically relaxed which, I think, changed the whole experience.

“Medical professionals are there to support you but you need to have the knowledge to be confident to make decisions that are right for you.”

By sharing stories we can empower women to ask questions.

After Blue died I started looking for answers and came across Tommy’s. I was obsessed about reading all the research. I think I also went to St Thomas’ because I knew Tommy’s had a link and felt I wanted the experts nearby. 

Justin raised money for Tommy’s doing the Three Peaks because the research, the way they provide information, is invaluable.