I’d not wanted to be induced, but at least I felt like I’d been heard

My first pregnancy was straightforward and I’d taken hypnobirthing classes and planned for a home birth but he was 10 days overdue, the midwife wasn’t happy with his heart rate so we went to hospital.

I really wanted a natural birth but reluctantly agreed to have my waters broken because it felt less invasive than induction. As soon as they did it the contractions were horrific and, having had surgery for scoliosis which means I have rods down my spine, the epidural didn’t work. The birth was fine but I had a serious postpartum haemorrhage and lost a lot of blood.

That meant that I couldn’t have a home birth with my 2nd son. The day after he was due I had, what I thought, were Braxton Hicks so I called hospital who said to rest and call when I wanted to come in.

Later I felt a heavy drop and realised I was further along than I anticipated. I only just made it into the delivery suite and had to hold him in while they gave me drugs to clot my blood to prevent haemorrhage. He arrived just 15 minutes after we’d got to the delivery room and was absolutely fine.

It was 7 years before I fell pregnant again. Around 20 weeks they said they had some new research into small birth weights and, as both my boys had been under 7lb at full term, guidelines meant I’d be under consultant care. I did query it as both my sons had been healthy babies and grown to be strapping boys, but they insisted so I saw consultants and had growth scans every four weeks which were fine, he wasn’t big, but he was growing.

At 39 weeks, I went on my own to a scan and it was a different sonographer. After, a member of the consultant team came and said baby wasn’t growing and I needed to be induced immediately. I went into shock.

"I did ask for a 2nd opinion, asked if the sonographer maybe had a different way of measuring and it really felt the consultant wasn’t happy being asked questions."

I said I couldn’t go straight to hospital as I had to organise care for my boys, I also wanted to talk to my husband and asked about alternatives.
She said that as I was ‘refusing induction’ I was going against medical advice and, if anything went wrong, it would be my fault. She also said she was discharging me and I’d need to speak to the midwife going forward.

I left the room and just burst into tears. I called my hypnobirthing teacher who gave me the number for the lead midwife at the hospital. I called her, broke down, and she asked to see me that afternoon. It was a completely different experience.

She said she could see baby was moving and had a strong heartbeat, explained growth had slowed so ideally they’d want to induce but it was my choice and gave me the option of daily heart rate monitoring.

In the end we agreed to an induction but were able to go home, have dinner with our boys, get them sorted before returning that night to start.
I had the first pessary and was on the antenatal ward where I couldn’t relax which I felt wasn’t helping start labour so I spent the night walking around.

The next morning the doctor said that, if the next pessary didn’t work, I’d need a C-section. It’s the first time I’d been given that information and it sent me into freefall. I was adamant I wasn’t having a C-section and the lovely midwife said we could wait a little longer for the next pessary to give me more time.

They gave me the 2nd dose and I ended up crab walking up and down 12 flights of stairs at the hospital to try and bring labour on. Thankfully that, the pessary and my sheer determination not to have a C-section worked.

I felt really exposed on the ward so went to the TV room and focused on my hypnobirthing script. Around 1am I had a check and they found I was 10cm dilated and rushed me to delivery where it happened very quickly.

I’d not wanted to be induced but, at least, felt I’d been heard and had some say, some choice in my own labour.

When I think back to the way the consultant insisted on induction at that 39 week scan it still annoys me years later. She was so dismissive, so condescending. Telling me I was being discharged felt like a punishment for not doing as I was told. It was a horrible experience.

"The midwife listened, was empathetic and gave me alternatives." 

She made me feel like induction wasn’t something that was going to be done ‘to’ me. She explained the consequences, gave me options and understood that I wasn’t just being difficult. I was given an induction, but I’d had time to think and made an informed decision.

I do wish I’d been told that, if the induction didn’t work, I’d need a C-section before the induction had started. I also wish they used different language, ‘failed induction’ isn’t nice and I definitely wasn’t ‘electing’ for a C-section.

At that point I was exhausted and really wound up so I was adamant I wasn’t having a C-section. The doctor didn’t look happy but I’m so glad I advocated for myself which I’m not sure I’d have done with a first pregnancy. I just knew I could feel him moving and had been through this twice before.

I do think there can be a ‘one size fits all’ approach, a path that is followed without really seeing individual cases.

I’m mixed race and it did occur to me that could mean I didn’t 100% fall into the bracket for that birth weight study. I’m fully onboard with research keeping mums and babies safe but there needs to be a common sense approach, look at the research, the risk, then look at the person in front of you. 

I think doctors and, sometimes, midwives, can be so entrenched in a way of speaking and working, they don’t always explain things clearly, they don’t always listen. 

Tommy’s is invaluable because they champion the rights and voices of mothers, because they listen.