Having a premature child spurred me on to study to be a midwife
We’d been trying to conceive for 4 years and experienced 8 chemical pregnancies.
You try not to test early but it’s hard when it is something you want so much. You’d get that excitement then a couple of days later it was gone which was heart-breaking. Then people would say it was so early it ‘didn’t really count’ to try and make me feel better, so I’d sometimes feel like a fraud to count them as pregnancies, but they were.
People would say it was so early it ‘didn’t really count’ to try and make me feel better, so I’d sometimes feel like a fraud to count them as pregnancies. But they were.
I’d had PCOS since being a teenager although it wasn't formally diagnosed until we went to the GP to say we were struggling with infertility, and they referred us to a clinic in 2021.
We stopped actively trying and I focused on getting to the optimal BMI for NHS IVF funding. Then a few months before we were due to start treatment, I conceived, which felt like a miracle.
Pregnancy and my mental health
My marriage broke down when I was 4 months pregnant and I’m sure the stress of the situation impacted on my pregnancy, it’s the only thing they can think contributed to the PPROM (preterm pre-labour rupture of membranes).
The separation had a big effect on my mental health, I had no family support nearby so felt very alone. Thankfully the perinatal mental health team kept an eye on me and I went back on antidepressants because I did go through suicidal thoughts, felt my world was crumbling.
Physically, the pregnancy all went very smoothly. I had extra scans privately and there was nothing untoward, a couple of hospital visits with potential reduced movement but all fine.
The last few weeks were amazing, I started to feel more positive. Then, at 4.30am one Sunday, at 31+2, I woke to visualising a tidal wave and my waters had gone. I called hospital who calmly said I should come in, I ended up sitting on a towel as I drove myself which I wouldn’t recommend. I’m just grateful there was no traffic at that hour.
The hospital confirmed my waters had gone so I focused on what came next. I had a dose of steroids then they threw information at me quite quickly: baby might not cry when he was born, they might have to take him straight away. I’d always had an interest in midwifery, had watched lots of TV programmes, which I think helped me stay calm. At no point did I worry that he might die.
Meeting Rowan
My contractions started in the early hours of Wednesday morning but there were no beds available in NICU so they said they’d need to transfer me. Before long an ambulance arrived to take me to Burnley. I remember thinking it was great continuity of care when a midwife came with me; only months later I realised it was in case I delivered in the ambulance. It was all such a whirlwind, my head was all over the place.
At Burnley, contractions increased so they gave me gas and air. I’d always wanted an active labour but ended up on the bed on my back. I wish someone had said I could get up and walk around because it would have been beneficial to my body and mind.
It wasn’t a great birth and I think movement, gravity, would have really helped but, until I asked, nobody said that would be okay. When he arrived, he immediately cried which, I think, was his way of letting me know he was okay.
They let me hold him after he was examined, an opportunity I know so many women who give birth prematurely don’t get, it was only seconds but I held him, I saw his face, which meant so much.
Ten is the best score for the early warning indicator tests and Rowan was a 9. He didn’t need resuscitating, a little oxygen, but he was fine. They let me hold him after he was examined, an opportunity I know so many women who give birth prematurely don’t get, it was only seconds but I held him, I saw his face, which meant so much.
I went to the ward to sleep then, the next morning, to NICU and it’s hard, beeping, machines, noises. He was intubated as a precaution but off oxygen in under 36 hours.
We were in NICU for 4 days, then transferred back to Preston where he was in special care for almost 5 weeks with a focus on getting his weight up. He struggled a little with reflux but he was fine. I remember a nurse joking that "nobody seems to have let him know he is premature".
I want to help other have a good birth
When Rowan graduated NICU I had a lot of support from Preston Neomates Group, I wouldn’t have managed without them. Friends there nicknamed him ‘Wreck-it-Rowan’ because he’s an absolute tornado, completely feral and I love him for it. I sometimes struggle with the guilt that he did okay and, I know, so many others don’t.
I’d been interested in midwifery since childhood but never thought I’d be any good at medical things. Being in NICU, doing his aspirates, monitoring my son, made me think that maybe I could do medical care. I started a Masters at Sheffield University in September and I love it.
I’d been interested in midwifery since childhood. Having a premature child spurred me on and I feel I’m exactly where I want to be. I want to help others having premature babies to have a good birth.
I’m also looking at the impact of stress on pregnancy for my Masters and hope to further research and help others by promoting better wellbeing in pregnancy.
I was aware of Tommy’s and they have supported family members of mine who lost pregnancies late on. Last year Rowan and I did the Rainbow Walk in the local park, I told him it was to help babies like him. The support they provide is so important in helping people understand their situation and letting them know they are not alone.
In my baby group I’ve heard about babies born at 23 weeks who are now 4 and running around. It’s not long ago that would have been impossible, Tommy’s research makes it possible.
As a student I’m using Tommy’s research in my own assignments, it’s so important. In my baby group I’ve heard about babies born at 23 weeks who are now 4 and running around. It’s not long ago that would have been impossible, Tommy’s research makes it possible.
