The team at Tommy's gave my babies a chance

Giovanni and I met on Instagram, and it wasn’t until I suggested we meet for coffee I realised he was based in Boston. But after a while we gravitated back towards each other and then he flew to London for that coffee, and I knew straight away he was the right guy. We were engaged within three months, and I was pregnant a month later. We were very happy.

We were still waiting for visas so I was alone at my 12-week scan where they told us I was having twins which was a lovely shock. The babies were growing perfectly, and I felt so happy but, just before leaving, they wanted to measure my cervix. The nurse said it was a bit short, nothing to worry about but they would refer me to Preterm Surveillance Clinic at St Thomas’ Hospital. They gave me an Arabin pessary, a device to help support my cervix, I put myself on bed rest and had my cervix measured every week from that point.

At 16-weeks I had my first appointment at the pre-term clinic where the midwife asked if I’d had a LLETZ procedure recently. This procedure was to remove cell changes in the cervix, and when I confirmed I had had one just months earlier, she looked concerned.  

That’s when my friend, a midwife, joined us and asked just how short my cervix was; her face dropped at the answer.

I asked for the truth and then broke down when she said I needed immediate intervention or I’d lose my babies.

I asked about a cervical stitch but was told it wasn’t an option in multiple pregnancies due to the risk of catching the amniotic sac. I was beside myself. They told me to continue with bed rest and gave me a blood thinner to make sure I didn’t suffer clots.

At almost 19 weeks I had a panic attack at home. I felt scared day and night, terrified I was going to lose my babies. My oxygen levels were so low the ambulance took me to hospital where they kept me in overnight for monitoring as I was due at my second pre-term clinic appointment the following day.

At the clinic, they checked the effect of the pessary and then told me I was dilating and likely to lose my babies. My whole world collapsed, and I just burst into tears. 

I had a huge belly, two healthy babies in there but my cervix, my body was failing them. 

I felt so responsible, so guilty, I just wept and kept apologising to my husband for failing him. All I could do, at that point, was pray. They took us to a side room while the doctors had a meeting then, 20 minutes later, they came in and said that, whilst they don’t normally do cervical stitches for twins, they were willing to try a ‘rescue cerclage’. They explained that the surgery may result in nicking the amniotic sac which would mean losing the twins but, I would almost certainly lose them if they did nothing at all.

They said that, if I was still pregnant in the morning, they’d take me to surgery at 9am and it was the worst night of my life, just praying I didn’t go into labour.

In the morning they put the stitch in and I cried the whole time. Then it was bed rest in hospital. I suffered Braxton Hicks and every morning they checked that I was still pregnant.  

I got to 26+4 then went into labour which was terrifying but I knew that there was nothing more I could do, it was their fight now and they really did fight.

They spent four months in NICU and got all kinds of infections; Ruby needed four blood transfusions, Bella seven. I remember the baby in the cot next to Bella passing away, and the sadness and realisation that we were nowhere near safe. It was a really tough time.

Both girls had chronic lung disease so were on oxygen 24/7 for their first year but they slowly got stronger. They’re both fine now, brilliant kids. Ruby is crazy, zooming around, no fear at all, whereas Bella is more of a thinker and just lights up the room. They’re so precious, I can’t imagine life without them.  

Professor Shennan at the Tommy’s clinic did my stitch and I have nothing but good things to say about him. His presence made me calmer in such an awful situation and my daughters wouldn’t be here without him.

Those people took a decision that was, perhaps, against the grain of standardised care, one decision that altered the entire path of my life and saved the lives of my daughters. They are the reason I’m not grieving the loss of my children.

Professor Shennan and the team at Tommy’s gave my babies a chance. They didn’t know what the outcome would be, but they said they would do their best and I trusted in that, that they would do their absolute best for us which is all you can hope for.  

The girls are fighters. They’re at school now, mixing with peers and have no huge developmental delays which is reassuring for me.  

I’ve done lots of campaign work, particularly around maternal mental health as I struggled hugely. When they were in NICU I was so depressed, couldn’t shower, get out of bed, really didn’t want to be here at times. It’s such an unnatural thing, not caring for your babies. I had no sense of purpose, didn’t wake to feed them, woke to them not being there. You are broken and the only thing that can fix it is having your children back with you.

There is a stigma about not coping when your baby is in NICU. Your child is going through such trauma, you are almost expected to just cope, there’s no room for how you are feeling at that point and that can be tough. 

I’ve campaigned for Rainbow Trust and the girls and I are doing a sponsored walk for World Prematurity Day this year because it’s finding ways of taking something positive from something very traumatic.

For a brief moment I saw that fragile line between life and death, and it was horrendous. I commend those like Professor Shennan and his team who live that line day in and out, supporting women and babies at a point in their lives where they have little or no hope.