I think it’s really important that Tommy’s have this service for women like me

A difficult first midwife appointment

It was my first pregnancy so I was, understandably, nervous, not knowing what to expect. Then, at my booking appointment, the midwife was so cold. 

I wasn’t in a relationship with my daughter’s father by that point so I’d asked a male friend to come to the appointment with me and the midwife did not seem happy with that. There was such a lot of tension, when my friend asked questions she was very condescending.

Her demeanour just felt very cold and judgemental. I did even wonder if it was partly a cultural thing as we were from the same background. In our culture having a child when you are not married isn’t what is done.  

It was such a bad experience that I made a formal complaint and never saw that midwife again but I was still left with lots of unanswered questions, worries that I didn’t need in those early days of pregnancy.

Reaching out to Tommy's

I don’t remember how I found out about Tommy’s but, when I went on the website, I saw they had a specialist midwife helpline for Black women.

We know there are issues that affect pregnant women from my community, you hear about higher mortality rates, how Black women are more likely to lose their babies, how they can be treated differently.

It being my first pregnancy I did feel quite scared so I really did want to talk to someone who understood those issues, who could offer advice.

I filled out a form online and was contacted by a Tommy’s midwife who arranged a phone call. Alanna listened to every question I had and answered it. She was honest and gentle and I really appreciated that. She never interrupted me, just waited then asked questions. 

It felt so good to just be heard, especially after that first midwife experience.

When I went for my second NHS appointment with a new midwife it turned out that there was a lot of information missing from my first appointment. We had to go through it all again. I felt like the first midwife had just been going through the motions and made assumptions about me. I didn’t feel she’d had any real understanding of who I was or how I was feeling.

Navigating the rest of my pregnancy

I only had the one call with Alanna but it was all I needed because she let me speak, let me ask my questions, then answered all my concerns. 

That one phone call made me feel so much more confident on my pregnancy journey.

Every other midwife I had on the NHS was better than my first experience. I even remember one lady coming up to see me after I’d given birth because she happened to be working that day which was lovely. Those little things make such a difference.

I had planned to have a natural delivery with no epidural but, when they did a vaginal check, my baby’s heart rate dropped. I’d been in labour for 12 hours by that point, I was having contractions but was only 1cm dilated.

I ended up having an emergency c-section. My midwife was mixed-heritage and I’m not sure whether it was partly that and she understood my risks, or whether it was just that she was really good at her job, but she didn’t waste any time once my daughter’s heart rate dropped. She clearly did not want to panic me, but was prepping for the c-section before she told me. I’m just really grateful she was so on the ball.

Why the specialist helpline is so important

I think the NHS is well aware of issues surrounding Black, Asian and minority ethnic women’s experiences in pregnancy but that first midwife appointment made me feel like they didn’t care.

Generally, I don’t believe enough is done to highlight the issues Black women can face when having babies.

The Tommy’s service definitely improved my pregnancy, setting aside those initial fears and helping me feel more settled. It also made me feel more confident dealing with NHS professionals going forward because I had that information and felt more able to ask any questions I had.

That call with Alanna made me feel more confident about my pregnancy as a whole. I was still so nervous I went for an early scan at 10 weeks, but having had someone listen to me really helped.

The NHS could really learn from this helpline because they need to understand that, when you feel someone is not listening, it causes anxiety and can ultimately mean that potential problems get missed.  

Because it was Tommy’s I really felt I could trust the information I was being given. I knew Alanna knew what she was talking about and I had absolute confidence in what she was saying. At the end of the call she reassured me that I could email her or call again, but I didn’t need to.

I think it’s really important that Tommy’s have this service for women like me. Just knowing that you can speak to someone who knows the issues we face, understands our situation and our concerns, is so beneficial.