When all the focus is on your physical health the emotional side of ectopic pregnancy can get pushed aside.

Although I’ve never been diagnosed with a reproductive issue, I've suffered three losses. My first pregnancy ended in early miscarriage in October 2022, followed by an ectopic pregnancy that December and another early miscarriage in June 2023.

My ectopic pregnancy journey was unclear, terrifying and excruciatingly painful but I’m still standing. I am 1 in 80, and although I never wished to be part of this club, I have met incredible women along the way. For that I'm eternally grateful. 

Extreme symptoms

My ectopic pregnancy was terrifying. About 2 weeks before my first scan, I had severe bloating, back pain on my right side radiating down my leg that was so debilitating I had to cancel plans. Alongside this I felt a lot of bad nausea and dizziness.

Then my symptoms died down, and I had a scan. The night of my scan, I had severe bloating, severe abdominal pain to the point of not being able to walk and copious bleeding. I then passed a big clot – I thought I’d miscarried. 

We buried what we thought was our little baby and tried to grieve.  

My worst fears confirmed

A week later, I had severe nausea, pain and severe pain in my shoulder tip. Even though my HCG kept rising, nothing was appearing on scans. It was such an unclear time. I was tired and broken having to traipse up and down to the hospital, each time hoping my HCG would fall and my worst fears wouldn’t be confirmed.

Doctors confirmed my ectopic pregnancy 2 days before Christmas. I thankfully didn’t have to have surgery but did end up in hospital with an internal bleed on New Year’s Eve. I never thought an ectopic would happen to me, and yet here I am. I still don't know the extent of the damage to my fallopian tube and live in complete fear of it happening again.

Listen to your body

If I could give any advice to others going through something similar, I'd say: listen to your body. If you think something isn’t right, seek help. Pregnancy and baby loss is a hard world to navigate, and unfortunately a lot of symptoms can be 'normal'.

Ectopic pregnancies are hard. The focus is put on your physical health and often the emotional side of grieving is put aside for the sake of you. And of course, your physical health is important, but you're still losing a baby and it's okay to feel sadness.

I'd also say, it's ok to grieve and it’s important you do. Take the time off work, spend time with your partner. You’re a mummy who’s lost her baby, and they're a part of you.

This black hole may feel like there is no light at the end, but there is, and you will come out of it stronger, braver. You have a baby in the sky who is holding your hand as you move through your life towards your rainbow. I promise you'll start to heal. 

Proud to support Tommy's 

I called Tommy's with my first loss when I didn’t know who to turn to. When calling the midwives, I was met with kindness and compassion. I just called to talk through my feelings because I wasn’t sure if I was ok to grieve a loss so early on. They were really kind and just listened. I cried and didn’t feel judged or embarrassed and ashamed. I felt completely supported and it was just nice to speak to someone who wasn’t someone I knew.

Tommy's have helped me through all of my losses, helping me to feel less alone. They see us and hold our hands in our darkest time, often when others in our lives don’t know how to.